Tag Archives: widow

Has It All Been In Vain? Questions After 9 Years of Widowhood

Was Joe’s passing all in vain?

Did people learn lesson’s from his passing?

Here today and gone tomorrow

What lessons if any have I learned?

I know marriages and family relationships are not perfect. Relationships are made up of humans, flawed imperfect humans. There will be bickering. but why do we resist spending time together?

Here today and gone tomorrow.

It was 9 years ago today Joe had a stroke at the base of the brain, it will be 9 years tomorrow that he was pronounced brain dead.

He was alive mentally and physically on the 27th. He was vibrant, full of life, love, laughter, joy. He frustrated me because I had to go get the other TV cart in the TV lounge in the rehab department. One TV cart is the same as the other –  right? No, not to Joe.

So full of life one evening and gone 11 hours later.

Knowing my heart aches for slow dances, hugs, cuddling while watching TV, or just aches in general. Is that not enough to get other couples of any age to appreciate one another?

Is my achy breaky heart not enough to get people in general to appreciate and love one another?

To take or make the time to spend together?

Here today and gone tomorrow.

When a spouse passes, your heart and soul ache in nooks and crannies you do  not know you have. The ache from grief can and will invade the same nooks and crannies when other family members move to heaven as well.

Questioning whether or not people learned lessons from Joe’s passing hurts and grieves me immensely. Fearing that there are people who did not learn lessons tears me up inside.

For your sake, love one another.

For your loved one’s sake, love one another.

Remember, here today and gone tomorrow.

Not them – you might be here today and gone tomorrow.

Leave no love unspoken or acted upon.

Don’t let yours or your loved one’s passing be in vain. Love one another – now.

 

 

The Hardest 287 Calories I’ve Ever Burned

Two years ago I joined Faithful Finish Lines fitness program when it was in Beta. I am still a member. This week is the last week in the most recent 7-week challenge. Seven weeks filled with making small changes on a different topic (e.g. more protein, less sugar) each week. The less sugar week is tough as I have a big sweet tooth.

At the end of each 7-week period we have a goal to do. It could be a 5k, 10k, a plank or push up challenge,  or any other fitness goal. It does not have to be an organized event.

I was schedule to do Michele’s Mile Mall Walk this week but cancelled it as when God blesses you with upper 60’s on a February day in Northeast Ohio, the last thing you do is walk the mall!                 😉

Instead I did the 1 mile Duck, Duck, Goose Waddle at one of the area parks. The waddling started when I got out of my car, then I did 2 laps around the pond and ended when I returned to my car huffing and puffing worse than the Big Bad Wolf.

I walked 1 mile. It is not a lot but when you have a sinus infection that morphs into a asthma event, it is a lot. (Yes, sinus infections can do that.)

When the weather permits I get out and walk because asthma needs to go bye-bye. When the weather interferes, you can find me doing a lap around the mall or several laps up and down my basement steps.

Marvelous!

As I sit here typing this post, I can tell you I feel marvelous! I have to keep this up as the 2017 Tour de Parks is coming up (walking one Northeast Ohio park every weekend). More on that later.

Now on to the good stuff.

Pictures

Here are pictures from the 1 mile Duck, Duck, Goose Waddle event. All photo’s taken with my Moto Z phone – Yes, still an Apple virgin.

Duck, Duck

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Goose

wp-1487892874193.jpg Selfie-on the bridge at the back of the pond.

Cattails and last years leaves.

Look who decided to walk with me after passing the 3/4 mile mark.

Final Stats

2,003 steps.  287 Calories. 42.28 minutes. 1 mile walked. 2 laps around North Park pond, picnic area and parking lot.

Want Community? 

Check out the Faithful Finish Lines program. Sara Borgstede from the Holy Mess is the founder. You will not find a better community of friendly, supportive women.

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Is Valentine’s Day Cheesy?

 

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A lot of people either don’t or reluctantly celebrate Valentine’s Day because to them it is a cheesy made up Hallmark day. It’s just another excuse for companies to get their grubby hands on your hard earned money.

Do I think Valentine’s Day is cheesy? No.

 

Life get’s busy and while we should celebrate Valentine’s Day every day, we don’t. So once a year we get a reminder to express love to our family and friends. Cherish Valentine’s Day because next year, some of the people you love may not be here.

You will wish they were here even on a day you consider cheesy.

Happy Valentine’s Day. 

Love Always, 

thinbutterfly

 

 

 

{ Day 31 } Finale of 31 Tricks to Scare Away the Grief Monster – GROW

Hallelujah! We’ve both made it through the Write31Days challenge. Thank you for sticking by me through thick and thin this month. It was an rough journey for me, one that I did not expect. Here we are crossing the finish line together.

Today’s Word is

GROW!

Scripture Meditation 

I planted the seed, Apollos watered it, but God has been making it grow.

1 Corinthians  3:6

God uses your grief to grow you in your spiritual walk with Him.

You do the work, walking baby step by baby step and God uses those baby steps to grow you. You grow with every smile or wave you give someone. You grow by sitting with someone as they grieve. You grow by dreaming and crafting a new life. Every little step you take, God is using to mold you into the person He wants you to become.

That is His plan for everybody – growing your character. It is not about achievements as that is boasting. It is about who you are as a person that is important to God. He will use all sorts of life circumstances to grow you.

You can be a ditch digger but as long as you are serving God right where you are at, you are accomplishing His will for your life. If you are a motivational speaker but not helping others up to the next level in their career, you are not accomplishing His will for you.

So take baby steps every day in confidence knowing God is growing you and yes, growth is painful. But He is your comforter.

Quote Meditation 

Without continual growth and progress, such words as improvement, achievement, and success have no meaning.

Benjamin Franklin

Coming Tomorrow – Final Thoughts About This Series and How I Made It Through the First Halloween Without Rommie

{ Day 29 } 31 Tricks to Scare Away the Grief Monster – Laugh!

The finish line is in sight!  Only a few more days.

Today’s word is

LAUGH!

You will laugh again at some point during your grief journey. Joe’s nieces and nephew laughed at the funeral home when I confirmed their uncle loved Yanni and would air guitar, drum and any other instrument while listening to Yanni. Their dad told them but they did not believe him. Laughter made a painful situation a little easier to bear – even if only for a moment.

Laughter puts the grief monster in his place. It shows him that you will not go down without a fight. Laughter is just as healing as tears. Sharing funny stories brings back fond memories and gives you something to which to cling. It helps you focus solely on the good the deceased did and not remember the bad memories.

Remember to bring laughter back into your life after your spouse’s passing.

Watch this clip from the movie Mary Poppins if you need a good laugh today.

Quote Meditation 

I believe that imagination is stronger than knowledge. That myth is more potent than history. That dreams are more powerful than facts. That hope always triumphs over experience. That laughter is the only cure for grief. And I believe that love is stronger than death.

Robert Fulghum

{ Day 28 } 31 Tricks to Scare Away the Grief Monster – STRUGGLE

Welcome everyone, (except the remnants of Patricia) to Day 28. Patricia gave Northeast Ohio a good soaking last night and today. I thought she was done but it looks like she is gearing up for round two.

Today’s word is

STRUGGLE

Scripture Quote

For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms.

Ephesians 6:12

Now you might think struggle is a weird trick for getting through grief. Struggling implies movement, lots of movement and lots of energy being used up. You are lifting up your feet, one at a time attempting to make forward progress through the muck. Unlike the Cleveland Browns, you will make forward progress through the muck and mire the grief monster brought to your life. (I can pick on the Browns because I am a die hard fan.)

The best thing to do when struggling is to be honest about it with God and close family or friends, because honesty is the best policy – even in grief.

muck_mire

My Struggles

I’m struggling today, struggling to get through this 31 day writing challenge. Oh, it seemed like an excellent idea back in June. Now I do not want to finish it but I will because the grief monster will not prevent me from helping others. That is what I feel is going on and probably has been going on during this challenge.

My job search is another struggle. Now I did have a great interview yesterday (at least I thought it was great) but I should be posting on LinkedIn, sharing other people’s content and reaching out to connect with people. But (there’s always a but) for this job search, I really do not care about doing those actions.

I want away from the computer and out and around people. Where do I go? People my age are married or are in dating relationships and have their own group of friends.

So you see I am struggling, just in a different way from when Joe moved to heaven.

I leave you with the following quote meditation from Napoleon Hill…and it was not a struggle to find this appropriate quote. I Googled quotes about struggle and there it was on BrainyQuote.com.

Enjoy!

Quote Meditation 

Strength and growth come only through continuous effort and struggle.

Napoleon Hill

10-10-2011_3by5Michele Kearns is the founder and HUG© (Hope Unites Globally) Award-Winner of JoyReturns. She encourages widows and educates society about grief and life as a widow by sharing her widowhood adventures. A graduate of Kent State University with a degree in communications, she has used her skills in the banking, collections, outdoor products and social media industries. Michele is a bookworm, lover of golden retrievers and an amateur photographer. You can see more of photography at OgleOhio.com, where she is running the series 31 Days of Autumn in Ohio – because running a 31 Day series on one blog is not enough insanity.

{ Day 27 } 31 Tricks to Scare Away the Grief Monster – CRAFT!

Welcome to Terrific Tuesday!

Today’s trick is

CRAFT

You dreamed and prayed about those dreams yesterday. Now it is time to craft your new life. This may or may not involve actual crafts ( scrapbooking, crocheting, sewing etc…) Craft your new life one day at a time. Don’t wait till you are through grief to start your new life.

It takes bravery to craft a new life and start working on it. But you are brave, you are brave because you tackled the grief monster head on. You work day in and day out to keep moving through the muck on your grief journey. You do this to honor the memory of your husband.

brave2

It is for the brave and for the crafty. It is for those women who realize they were given an opportunity to find a new purpose in life, to use the purpose to make the world a little bit better than they found it. An opportunity that would not have existed if you were still married.

Your timeline did not end.

Now bravely go craft a new life, but before you do watch this video from Annie F. Downs. I watched it early Sunday morning and boy did it speak to me.

I look forward to hearing what you are doing with your new opportunity.

Resources: 

Let’s All Be Brave: Living Life With Everything You Have  Annie F. Downs

The Good Life  Kaitlyn Bouchillon (Where I found Annie’s speech on Sunday morning).

10-10-2011_3by5Michele Kearns is the founder and HUG© (Hope Unites Globally) Award-Winner of JoyReturns. She encourages widows and educates society about grief and life as a widow by sharing her widowhood adventures. A graduate of Kent State University with a degree in communications, she has used her skills in the banking, collections, outdoor products and social media industries. Michele is a bookworm, lover of golden retrievers and an amateur photographer. You can see more of photography at OgleOhio.com, where she is running the series 31 Days of Autumn in Ohio – because running a 31 Day series on one blog is not enough insanity.

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