For he shall give his angels charge over thee, to keep thee in all thy ways.
They shall bear thee up in their hands, lest thou dash thy foot against a stone.
Psalm 91: 11-12
Welcome to Day 9 of 31 Tricks to Scare Away the Grief Monster. Today’s “trick” is
Bearing The First Year
There is a protective cloud around you the first year. It acts as a buffer zone between you and the world. It gradually fades throughout the first year. Some people refer to it as a “fog” or a “haze” God puts around you. In a strange way it makes life easier to bear. It is hard to explain how because there are plenty of intense grief moments during the first year.
Think of it as God’s arms wrapped around you, comforting you. I guess that is why grief in some ways is easier to bear, because of his protective arms.
Slowly during the year, He removes the “fog.” So after you will see clearly once you make it through the first year.
But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, forbearance, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control. Against such things there is no law.
Living out this scripture during the first year, will also make grief less hard to bear. The grief monster does not like it when you bear your grief with forbearance (patience), or when you do random acts of kindness or being faithful in your walk with Jesus.
What fruit are you bearing as you travel through your grief journey?
Did I offer peace today? Did I bring a smile to someone’s face? Did I say words of healing? Did I let go of my anger and resentment? Did I forgive? Did I love? These are the real questions. I must trust that the little bit of love that I sow now will bear many fruits, here in this world and the life to come.
Michele Kearns is the founder and HUG© (Hope Unites Globally) Award-Winner of JoyReturns.com. She encourages widows and educates society about grief and life as a widow by sharing her widowhood adventures. A graduate of Kent State University with a degree in communications, she has used her skills in the banking, collections, outdoor products and social media industries. Michele is a bookworm, lover of golden retrievers and an amateur photographer. You can see more of her photography at OgleOhio.com.
I’ve been reading Guideposts’ “Morning’s With Jesus 2012.” I never finished it 2 years ago and for some reason felt compelled to pick it up again. In her October 21st devotion, Erin Keeley Marshall wrote the following:
“He [God] often shows extreme patience in sending His answer because He loves us too much to let us settle for an incomplete one.”
Wow! That was an eye-opener for me.
Both yesterday and today I kept this thought in the back of my mind.
I certainly see waiting for His answer in a new light and it brings me joy to know my gracious, loving heavenly Father loves me so much that He will not settle for answering a prayer half-way.
May you see patience in a new light and may Erin’s statement resonate with you and help you be more patient.
The Bible verse for today is
Wait for each other
1 Corinthians 11:33
Waiting for one another requires patience. So with that in mind, here are some quotes about waiting and patience.
Quotes About Waiting
Time is too slow for those who wait, too swift for those who fear, too long for those who grieve, too short for those who rejoice, but for those who love, time is eternity.
Henry Van Dyke
Never cut a tree down in the wintertime. Never make a negative decision in the low time. Never make your most important decisions when you are in your worst moods. Wait. Be patient. The storm will pass. The spring will come.
Robert H. Schuller
A healthy attitude is contagious but don’t wait to catch it from others. Be a carrier.
Adopt the pace of nature: her secret is patience.
Ralph Waldo Emerson
Love is patient.
1 Corinthians 13:4
Be patient with everyone.
1 Thessalonians 5:14
Bear with one another in love.
Author’s Note: I stumbled upon a neat site called Wordtracker.com.
After inputting the word “grief”, it gave me a list of 100 questions that people have been attempting to find answer for on the web.
I also did the same with the word “widow.” Boy did that search yield some interesting questions involving vibrators.
Needless to say I have numerous topics for blog posts.
Here is the first one:
“How To Charm A Widow”
The “charming” philosophy of “Show Up”, Tell The Truth” and “Have Fun” is borrowed from a friend. However, the definitions of each category are my own.
“Charmed, I’m Sure”
- Show Up – When you are in the company of a widow be attentive, really listen, be an active participant in the conversation.
- Ask To Hear Her Story – You will learn a lot about her by discovering what she has been through. (Do not do this on the first date.)
- Tell The Truth – Don’t hide your emotions and feelings. There is no room for a “Cold-Hearted Snake.”
- Have Fun – Be able to do this without the need for alcohol, vibrators, or “Wildwood Weed.”
- Enjoy The Little Things – movie night, walks in the park, or just sitting on a porch swing talking.
- Be Polite – open doors, saying please and thank you, and treating her with respect.
- Be Spontaneous – Send flowers for no reason.
- Be Romantic – Watch chick flicks together, go on picnics or dance under the stars.
- Be Passionate About Life – Including being passionate about your work.
- Don’t Be A Tightwad – After all you are unable to take your money with you when you die.
- Don’t Be A Big Spender – While you are unable to take it with you, you also need to be responsible.
All of the above apply to “charming” any woman. However, there are two other very important characteristics needed when “charming” a widow – especially this widow.
Accept the following:
- I did not become a millionaire when Joe died. If I did, I would not be job searching.
- I will never stop loving or missing Joe. Although I am able to move forward with my life, we were married just shy of 15 years. I am unable to love someone that long and forget about them acting like they never existed. But should you die first, you will also have a forever place in my heart.
- Besides inheriting my biological family, you inherit Joe’s family. They will be included in special occasions and holiday celebrations. They are still and always will be a part of my life.
- I will be buried with Joe. The headstone is already done. I made a promise to his brother that I would be buried with him and I will keep that promise.
If you are unable to accept these facts, then “Hit The Road Jack.”
It has been 19 ½ years since the last time I went on a “first” date. While dating again sounds nice, it does freak me out a little bit. Guess I spent too many years watching the “Law and Order” franchise, particularly “SVU”.
I will not rush into a relationship. I need to take it slow and steady in order to see if there is even potential for a relationship.
Once again if you are not willing to take it slow and steady “Hit The Road Jack.”
The Best Advice.
Just be yourself. If she is not “charmed” by you being yourself, then she’s just not that into you. Don’t force something that is not there.