{ Day 2 } 31 Tricks To Scare Away The Grief Monster – SEEK

Scripture Meditation

Ask, and it will be given to you; seek, and you will find; knock, and it will be opened to you. For everyone who asks receives, and he who seeks finds, and to him who knocks it will be opened.

Matthew 7:7-8

Now that  you have made the choice to move forward with life, there are a few questions you will need to seek the answers to

  • Do I do the things I did before we became a couple?
  • Do I continue with the same things we enjoyed as a couple?
  • Do I develop new interests?

There will be other questions that need answered depending upon your circumstances, widowed with no children, widowed with young children, and widowed with grown children.

Seeking to Triumph

You are moving forward by seeking out the answers to these and any other questions pertaining to your unique circumstances. You are seeking to triumph through adversity. The grief monster does not want you to triumph. He knows if you are stuck in the muck, other people will be even more terrified of him because they know they will be stuck like you when their spouse moves to heaven.

What Will You Do? 

I am unable to tell you what to do, but when you have a quiet moment early in the morning, sit and just be still. You never know what idea might pop into your head.

Keep your eyes and ears open as you go about your day as something you see or a word you overhear someone say in a crowded coffee shop just may trigger an idea.

Clean out your closets. That is what I was doing when I came across my old film camera and decided to upgrade to a digital one.

The answers to your questions will come in a “Lightbulb Moment”, when you least expect it. “Lightbulb Moments” happen when you least expect them and they will give you answers to your questions.

Lightbulb Moments 2

Quote Meditation

Always seek out the seed of triumph in every adversity.

Og Mandino

Thank You

A special thank you to my neighbors A, B, C, D & J for creating the London fog atmosphere last year on Halloween. Also a special thank you to the spider who spun the web at the top of my porch light adding to the ambiance.                 😉

10-10-2011_3by5Michele Kearns is the founder and HUG© (Hope Unites Globally) Award-Winner of She encourages widows and educates society about grief and life as a widow by sharing her widowhood adventures. A graduate of Kent State University with a degree in communications, she has used her skills in the banking, collections, outdoor products and social media industries. Michele is a bookworm, lover of golden retrievers and an amateur photographer. You can see more of her photography at

You Can’t Slay The Grief Monster While Drinking Beer…

or any other type of alcohol.


Well it’s the weekend, time when people come home from work and open a cold bottle of beer, uncork a bottle of wine or sip a glass of Scotch.   There is nothing wrong with that as long as it is in moderation and you are NOT grieving.


A lot of grieving people use alcohol to “numb” the pain.  This is not a good idea.

When Joe suddenly moved to heaven, I was hurting.  I was feeling excruciating pain – both mental and physical.

I knew enough to:

  • Attend the Griefshare support group at church
  • Attend the Women’s Renewal at church the following year


  • To stay away from alcohol!

The Grief Monster’s Weapon Of Choice

Alcohol is a depressant.  It is the grief monster’s weapon of choice to cloud your thinking, impair your judgment and get you to a deep a state of “woe is me.”

The “buzz” gotten from too much alcohol will only numb your grief for a short while.  Then when you sober up, the grief will still be there with more intensity because you are in a weaker state.   Thus you more depressed about your loved one’s passing.

My Choice

Joe passed in 2008 and I did not decide to have the occasional glass of wine until 2010. I wanted to recover from my grief journey and knew even an occasional drink would not help.

It is now 4 ½ years later and still only have a glass of wine maybe every 6-8 weeks, sometimes not even that frequently.  This infrequent glass of wine is not because I am still in despair over losing Joe, it is just by choice.  There is a lot do in keeping up the house, transitioning to a new career and playing with Rommie.  I do not need nor want alcohol to get in the way of those activities.

Instead, Café Mocha made in my Keurig has become my drink of choice – but only in the fall and winter.  It’s too hot to drink coffee in the summer.

How Laying Off Alcohol Helps The Grieving Process

So if you are grieving the loss of a spouse or other loved one-lay off the sauce, this means even the occasional drink.

It will help your grief recovery because you will be tackling the grief monster head on and fully alert.

When you are fully alert and in control, the grief monster does not stand a chance.