Tag Archives: dating

Does Age Matter In a Romantic Relationship?

Back in my 20’s, I dated 3 men who were 18 – 20 years older than me.

While I enjoyed each relationship, none of them got serious.   I ended up marrying Joe who was 4 yrs younger than me (and he STILL died first).

Michele’s Destiny

Two out of the three men I dated are dead.

Marrying either one of the two would have resulted in being a widow BEFORE the age of 40.

So I guess being a widow at an age society considers young, was my destiny.

The Third Man

If I had married the 3rd, I would have a husband now in his 70’s.  Hopefully in good health but you never know.  I could be pushing him around in his wheelchair and changing diapers.

Entering Into A May-December Romance

Would I enter into a May-December romance at this time of my life?  No.  What would I possibly want with a man in his 30’s or in his 70’s?

I want and need men friends of all ages but that is it – friendship only.  However, the friendship is “Gone With The Wind” once a man enters into a romantic relationship with another woman, but that is the subject for another post.

Michele’s Romantic Want

What I want (somewhere down the road) is a man 2 – 4 years older or younger than me.  Hopefully we will be blessed with at least 25 years of good health, happiness and prosperity before health issues arise.  I know challenges will come our way but together with God we will handle them.

Proof

My sister and mom are proof that love conquers age differences.  Mom’s marriage to step-dad lasted over 20 years and Sis and Brother-in-Law are close to celebrating 30 years.

Further Proof

So does age matter in a relationship?  Not if it is true love because…

Love Never Fails

1st Corinthians 13:8

So is your love for your lover or spouse true whether you are close in age or far apart?

I Am Not Able To Be Myself

(Author’s Note, I’ve written briefly about this before but since I have a lot of new readers I thought I would address the subject again.  This post is a prequel to what is coming in the next week or two as my friend Gina gave me a book last night which contains chapters about dating and relationships.)

Home Alone

One of the reasons I am home a lot is because I am unable to be myself around single men and married, engage, or dating couples.

I have to watch what I say and do because I might come across as being desperate for a man or women who are part of a couple may think I am out to get their man.

Believe me, the last thing I want is a reputation as a home-wrecker or a girlfriend/boyfriend buster-upper.

It is very tough and exhausting watching what I say and do, so I carefully pick and choose which and what social functions I attend.

No Man For Me – Yet?

I am not out to get a man because I do not need one.

The only man I need is God who is my ultimate provider.

I might want a man in my life but I do not need one.

So rest assured men, I am not some clingy, desperate woman out to snare you. And women, you can be confident I am not out to break up your relationship.

Bottom Line

Just relax around a widow and allow her to be herself.  After what she has been through odds are she is in no hurry to get a man. (Yes, there are a few desperate widows out there but most are not.)

 

Do You Really Want To Be A Significant Other?

In this politically correct world of ours there are numerous “terms of endearment” used by couples when introducing each other.

Some of the terms are:

  • Partner
  • Significant Other
  • Special lady friend
  • Special man friend
  • Special woman friend
  • Special gentleman friend

Gone are the days of boyfriend and girlfriend.  All this in the name of political correctness and so old people who are dating have a “grown up” term to call each other.  Gag!

While all of the above I find ridiculous there is one which is my pet peeve.

Pet Peeve

My pet peeve of the terms is “significant other.”

Other is the noun and significant is the adjective.

That is my aspiration in life – to be an “other” to someone else.  It is rude and condescending to call someone an “other.”

I would rather hear people who are dating introduce each other as “lover” instead of significant other.

Lover implies action for at least one of two reasons, although in today’s society both usually apply:

Before Widowhood

Yes, before I became a widow I thought nothing about the phrase “significant other” but upon becoming a widow, I started to see differently most aspects of life and relationships.

I’ve always been known as one who sees issues from different angles and viewpoints, widowhood just enhanced this skill.

February 14th

So as you celebrate Valentine’s Day one month from today, ask yourself “Do I really want to be a significant other?” and/or “Shouldn’t I be referring to the person I’m dating as something besides an “other?”

Updated: L & O Franchise

(My blogging vacation is coming to a close.  I will return on Monday 10/22, have a joy filled rest of the week and weekend.)

 Why watching the “Law and Order” franchise is not a good idea.

Author’s note:  Thought this was appropriate since the weekend is here and Friday and Saturday nights are “hot” date nights. (At least they were the last time I was in the dating scene.)

Joe and I use to watch “Law and Order” and “Law and Order SVU.”  We both use to think, “Boy we are glad to be married and out of dating scene.”

There were episodes dealing with date rape, boyfriends beating girlfriends, guys drugging girls, and people swindling money from other people.  Those scenarios, and others, were enough to give me the heebee jeebees.   After all, those stories were inspired by real events.

Ooops…Now guess who is single and possibly reentering the dating scene?  Uh Oh!

Maybe we should not have spent all those seasons watching “Law and Order.”  While dating again does sound nice, it also gives me the hee bee gee bees.

Updated: 3 Benefits To Dating A Widow

(Since yesterday’s article was “How To Charm A Widow”, I figured it was best to follow it up with this post published late last October.)

Afraid of dating someone who suddenly became a widow and at a young age?   Well here are 3 benefits to dating a widow.

“Precious and Few”

She knows just how quickly life can change. Therefore, the moments you spend together are precious.  This gives her a greater appreciation for life and the little things such as a walk together on a beach, cold winter evenings snuggling by the fireplace, or sitting under the stars on a warm summer evening.

“Passion”

A widow has a renewed passion and purpose for living.  This stems not only from recognizing life is precious but from figuring out who she is now and her plans for her life.

In order to figure out her passion, purpose and the impact they are going to have on her new life, she had to do a lot of self-analysis and reflection.  This could have involved fasting & praying, taking self-assessment tests, talking to family and friends or any combination of these and other options.

No matter how she figured out her passion and purpose, it was hard work and a lot of thought went into her decisions.

 “I Made It Through The Rain”

Dating a widow means dating someone with strength and determination to move forward with life.  Making the decision to move forward was hard but taking the step necessary was even harder.

It takes a lot to trudge through the storm grief causes day after day, after day, after day and yet do the things needed to make forward progress.  The grief storm winds keep blowing and blowing trying to stop a widow from moving forward.  The grief wants to beat down a widow so she gives up and stays stuck in grief.

However,

“Then one day the sun appears

And we come through those lonely years”

 Barry Manilow

Isn’t that the type of person with whom you want to share life, someone with the strength and determination to survive life’s storms?

Bonus Thought

If you are dating a widow, give thanks to God for her previous husband and their marriage.

Your relationship with her would not be what it is, if it were not for their life together.  

2 Pieces Of Evidence

While writing Thursday’s post about how this blog helped me heal, I was in and out of a negative state.

Why?

Because it forced me to not only examine how I’ve healed but whether or not I truly have healed.   

Yes, I know I have healed as much as possible from Joe’s passing. However, others do not think I have healed.

Exhibit #1 – This Blog

Other people see this blog as proof that I have not healed one bit.  They see it as my attempt to hang on to or resurrect Joe.

Well that is not true.  This blog was never intended to be about him, it was always intended to be about my journey through grief, extended unemployment and any other adventures life throws my way.  Sharing my adventures is the best way I know to educate others about widows and our experiences.  This way people know how to help widows and what to expect should they suddenly lose their spouse.

Exhibit #2 – Dating (NOT!)

They also see that fact that I have not dated as proof I have not healed.   Single men my age are a rarity.  Now they might not be such a rarity if I hung out in bars – UGH!!!  Been there, done that.  I spent 5 nights a week at the local disco during some of my college years.  (Hey!  It was great exercise.)   If I am to date again, then God will put a man in my life somehow, someway, someday.  (Ooppss…someday never comes.)

Knowing I have these 2 pieces of evidence against me, was dragging me down last week as I wrote the healing piece.  

Positive

So what did I do to get back into a positive state of mind? 

  • I listened to music – “Elvis Country (Legacy Edition)” is my latest favorite. 
  • I also listened to a speech given by my friend Jeff that is on my MP3 player.  I would listen to it at night while waiting to fall asleep. 
  • I updated my “Awards and Performance Portfolio” located in the top menu.  Being creative is a great way for me to change my thinking.
  • I made sure I kept up with the daily devotionals. Currently I am reading through the Bible in a year with a devotional from “Words of Hope.”
  • I also made sure Rommie and I had some extended play time, time away from job searching and blog writing.  Playtime with her is a great way to get out of a funk.

Forward

The healing post is written and I shared why it was hard to write, so on to a new, fresh, exciting topic – like what color I will chose to paint my nails tonight.

Have a joy filled week and remember:

“The human spirit is stronger than anything that can happen to it.”

 George C. Scott

 Coming tomorrow: “My Escalator Speech”

Top Two Posts For 2011

Hi, just a quickie post today as I am too tired from partying with my brother-in-law, sister-in-law and their family.  Joy reigned supreme yesterday. 

The Year’s Top Two Posts

Lately this post has been soaring in popularity – over 20 views in one day.  

https://joyreturns.com/2011/10/27/3-benefits-of-dating-a-widow/

This one was written when I was in a “funk” one day after Dad’s passing.  It is read several times a month.

WARNING – Put down your coffee and donut.  I am not responsible for coffee coming out your nose.  Oh and it might help if you are wearing your Depends  😉

https://joyreturns.wordpress.com/2011/08/18/garlic-grief-hemorrhoids/

See you tomorrow. Oh and I am working on one of my famous Slideshows.

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