Tag Archives: book

Remarriage: An Eye Opening Perspective

One of the books I’ve given grieving people is Healing After Loss; Daily Meditations for Working Through Grief by Martha Whitmore Hickman. My copy was given to me by Joe’s Aunt at his wake. You read one page per day of this little book.

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The devotions are not geared towards any religion. There are quotes from authors, scriptures from the Bible and proverbs from other religions. After each quote, there are thoughts from the author and then at the end a one-sentence thought/prayer. I enjoyed reading this book and my copy is now in 2 pieces. It fell apart at April 17th, which is the day I started reading it.

Time For A Re-Read 

Since this year is the 10th anniversary of his passing and our 25th wedding anniversary, I decided to read this book again. Now for some reason January – March is much neglected. I do not know why and I’m kind of wishing I did not have this brilliant idea to read through it again because God showed me a different perspective on remarriage.

Today’s devotional is very brief but powerful and deals with the hole left behind by a loved one’s passing.

The quote is:

It is the nature of grace always to fill spaces that have been empty.

Goethe

Whitmore-Hickman’s thought is:

Not that we can’t tell the difference. Not that we are being disloyal. But if life gives us something else to do with all those impulses toward the one no longer with us, how can we not be grateful? It’s like an extra inheritance -a blessing even- from the one we have lost, going to someone else who needs what we have to give. So we are refreshed by the memory of the loved one, and at the same time offering a gift, creating a new relationship.

The thought/prayer is:

Keep me on the lookout for someone who needs me now. 

Ouch! God.

So the love and commitment I gave Joe in our marriage, needs to be given to someone else, a new relationship, with a new man. I never thought of remarriage that way until today.

Remarriage scares me. I am afraid I would get hitched to a Dr. Jekyl and Mr. Hyde type of person. He is sweet and loving until we are pronounced husband and wife. Plus, blending two households is a lot of work. Houses would have to be sold and a new one bought. He would have to get along with Joe’s family as well as mine, then I would have to get along with his family.  UGH!  Too much work, too much stress.

Yes, I know if the right person came along, all the work would be worth it.

Other Relationships

This devotional can be applied to any relationship and not just the loss of a spouse. If you lost a daughter, as Whitmore-Hickman did, then you find an opportunity to “mother” another child. Whether it is through a mentoring program such as Kid’s Hope, teaching Sunday School, or spending more time with the single neighbor lady’s child.

But obviously, I see this from the perspective of a widow and remarriage.

Still Recommend? 

It’s almost 10 years since I first read this book. I loved it then and I still love it and still recommend it. My suggestion is when you give this to someone, keep a copy for yourself and read it together. You could email each other daily or meet weekly to discuss the devotions. I know the grieving person would appreciate having someone walk through the devotional journey with him/her.

 

red-rose_signatureBio: Michele Kearns is the founder and HUG© (Hope Unites Globally) Award-Winner of JoyReturns. She shares her widowhood adventures hoping to encourage widows to move through grief and rebuild their lives. A graduate of Kent State University with a Bachelor’s degree in communications, she’s used those skills managing call center teams, facilitating a grief support group and helping small businesses with various writing and administrative assignments. Michele is a bookworm, lover of red roses and golden retrievers and an amateur photographer.

 

 

Emotional Assault

What is this?

All week I have been inundated with personal relationship articles, comments and now a book offer.  My emotions are under assault.

I do not begrudge those who are dating, engaged, and married happiness.  May God bestow countless blessing upon them. 

There are times when a lot of this happy news is too much emotionally and that is normal.  As the years go by, I am sure this type emotional assault will not bother me. 

Facebook & Book

However this week I had to deal with two Facebook updates.  The first one was about a first date and the second one was about an exciting relationship.  Then today an email about a book offer from Blaine Smith of Nehemiah Notes entitled “Marry a Friend, Finding Someone to Marry Who is Truly Right for You.”  The emphasis is on 20 something’s and above discouraged about their search for a mate. 

Blog Post

The best assault example was a guest post on another blog.  It was written by a guy whose long term relationship fell apart and now he was looking forward to all the “firsts” a new relationship would bring.  Such as the first time he would hold hands, the first date, and the first date after the first date. 

However, he then got into describing the more sexually explicit firsts.  They were not extremely graphic but they were more than what I could handle.

No Longer

Had each assault occurred a week apart, I could have handled it.  But all in the same week was too much.

It reminds me of what I do not have anymore.  Especially since as I write this it is the eve of 9/11 and 10 years ago when I went to bed, Joe was there next to me.  I’m not sure I recall a night that we held each other tighter and appreciated each other more.  After all, therefore but for the grace of God go us.