Dear Grief, Your Armageddon Is Coming

(Kate Motaung wrote an e-book entitled Letters To Grief. It is just .99 cents on Amazon. Here is one of my letters to grief, which will be linked to Kate’s blog.)

Dear Grief,

It is hard to believe it is over six years since you moved in with me after Joe’s unexpected passing. You are also the only one with whom I have danced cheek to cheek since then and  you are not a graceful dancer. Besides my toes, you also stepped on my heart. Then you dipped and twirled me at the wrong times and places as we waltzed to life’s music.

I learned to cope with you while moving forward with my new life. I also did reconnaissance work and learned your ambush tactics.

Oh, how I despise your ambushes! You attack me with the power and might of a nuclear bomb. Usually, I am able to anticipate your attacks and launch counter-measures.

However, I must applaud you for the exceptional job you did nuking me at Joe’s youngest niece’s wedding reception. I anticipated your appearance but was unprepared for the intensity of this nuke, which made a hot August night, even hotter.

The type of nuke you chose was music and the song was out of this world – Aerosmith’s I Don’t Want to Miss a Thing from the movie Armageddon. All the couples made their way to the dance floor where they slowly swayed to the music, while getting lost in the moment of holding each other close.

And there I sat alone – the wallflower.

No one with whom to dance.

No one to wrap their arms around me, holding me close enough to hear their heartbeat.

It brought back memories of the junior and senior high dances, only back then I had hope for a future full of dancing cheek to cheek with a husband.

Now-a-days men my age prefer women in their 20’s and 30’s, therefore as far as I know I will never again feel sweet surrender as a man holds me close while dancing the night away.

But wait…

There is hope.

Because God will one day dry every last one of my tears.

Afterwards, hopefully He will allow Joe and I to once again hold each other close and dance cheek to cheek – on top of your grave, Grief.

‘He will wipe every tear from their eyes. There will be no more death’ or mourning or crying or pain, for the old order of things has passed away.”

Revelation 21: 4

Your Armageddon is coming Grief – are you and your best friend forever (BBF) Death ready?

No Love Always,



31 Days of Joy: Day 18: My Cry To God

It is a cold and rainy weekend here in Northeast Ohio.  A weekend for sweats, coffee in the a.m. and wine in the p.m. A weekend I had planned on spending Saturday all snuggled up in bed writing and catching up on some posts from other people taking the 31 Days of 5 Minute Freewrite challenge.

Then as I am lying in bed last night it I remembered that I have to go out today because I need to pick the comforters from the dry cleaners. I should be working next Saturday and my hours during the week will not permit me to go to the cleaners.

So much for getting to stay in bed all day.

This morning after I woke up, I remembered that I was going to get Rommie into the groomers for her Halloween bath. It is another to-do list item that can not be done next weekend with working Saturday.

Oh and I need to pick up birthday cards, go to the grocery store and go to the vet’s for Rommie’s heartworm meds.

Those thoughts led me to cry out:

“God, I need someone to pick up the slack in my life.” 

I am not looking for marriage – at least not yet.

But it sure would be nice to date a SINGLE, Christian man my age. (I had an opportunity to commit adultery with a man in his late 60’s.) Someone with whom I can occasionally go to dinner and who would help out around the house every now and then.

For whatever reason God has not brought that person in to my life. As far as I know, that person will never be in my life, which is why my encounter with Aerosmith at my niece’s wedding reception was so painful.

Maybe God has something up his sleeve I do not know about but then again maybe I am destined to be my neighborhood’s old lady spinster.

Whatever my role is in life – I need to accept it with joy and remember to:

Be joyful always

1 Thessalonians 5:16

(my NIV Study Bible)

give thanks in all circumstances; for this is God’s will for you in Christ Jesus.

1 Thessalonians 5:18 (NIV) 

God Speaks

I planned to press the “publish” button after inserting the second verse from  However, when I went to Biblegateway the first thing I read was the daily Bible verse:


Wait patiently for the Lord. Be brave and courageous. Yes, wait patiently for the Lord.

Psalm 27:14 NLT

Alright God, I get the message.

I will continue to wait and infuse my waiting with joy and thanksgiving.

Thank you for answering my cry to you this morning.


The Night Aerosmith Pushed Me Off A Cliff

It was a cool August night when I found myself standing on the edge of a cliff while attending a wedding reception. The cliff was mental and unfortunately I was not alone – Aerosmith was there.

The reception was for Joe’s youngest niece, the last one to get married and our flower girl, so the day was filled with lots of emotion.  It was another event Joe should be here to witness but he was not, at least not that we could see.

I am sure he was there in spirit but how were his niece and her new husband suppose to feel a hug or hear him say “Congratulations?”

Needing Arms Again

It was getting late and I had an hour drive ahead of me so I said a tearful goodbye to the bride, my niece-in-law and my other niece, the maid of honor. It was then I really got teary eyed because the DJ played Aerosmith’s “I Don’t Wanna Miss A Thing” from the movie Armageddon. Numerous couples made their way to the dance floor and held each other close while dancing cheek to cheek.

I was overwhelmed by the feeling of needing arms wrapped around me, holding me close. I started to lose it and after saying goodbye to my niece, I grabbed my silver purse and walked out with tears streaming down my face.

I even forgot where I parked my car. I finally found it and started the drive home.  Upon my arrival an hour later, I let Rommie out, gave her a midnight snack and with tear-filled eyes, crawled into bed.

6.5 Years

It’s been almost 6.5 years since Joe moved to heaven. However grief still ambushes me once in awhile – which is normal.  I knew this was going to be a tough day but it was tougher than expected. While I did not want to cry, I just let the tears run down my face as getting grief out is healthy.

When grief ambushes you at a special event years after your loved one’s passing – just “Roll With It Baby.”  Then the next day, pick yourself up, dust yourself off and move forward with life, cherishing the joyous memories from the special event.

Below are the lyrics to Aerosmith’s “I Don’t Wanna Miss A Thing.” Now you know why I went off a cliff.

I Don’t Wanna Miss A Thing

I could stay awake just to hear you breathing
Watch you smile while you are sleeping
Well you’re far away dreaming
I could spend my life in this sweet surrender
And just stay here lost in this moment forever
Well, every moment spent with you
Is a moment I treasure

I don’t wanna close my eyes
I don’t wanna fall asleep
‘Cause I’d miss you, babe
And I don’t wanna miss a thing
‘Cause even when I dream of you
The sweetest dream will never do
I’d still miss you, babe
And I don’t wanna miss a thing

Lying close to you
Feeling your heart beating
And I’m wondering what you’re dreaming
Wondering if it’s me you’re seeing
Then I kiss your eyes and thank God we’re together
And I just wanna stay with you
Just stay in this moment forever, forever and ever


I don’t wanna miss one smile
I don’t wanna miss one kiss
Well, I just wanna be with you
Right here with you, just like this
I just wanna hold you close
Feel your heart so close to mine
And stay here in this moment
For all the rest of time

[Chorus: x2]

Don’t wanna close my eyes
Don’t wanna fall asleep, yeah
I don’t wanna miss a thing