dating, Faith

The Character Traits of Your Potential Spouse

The subject of marriage came up in a recent conversation with some friends. It got me to thinking about character traits a man should possess who may become your spouse.

These traits apply whether you are a young person getting married for the first time or are widowed and dating or thinking about dating a man who may become your second spouse.

Remember, marriage is not to be entered into lightly as it is until death do us part. Unless he hits you once either before or after you say “I do.” If he does, end the relationship immediately for a godly man will not hit you.

A Godly Man

If you want to know if your boyfriend or fiance is a godly person, watch how he treats those people under his roof. While it is important to know how he treats others, godliness starts at home.

A godly man will treat his mother, father, siblings and pets with dignity and respect if he still lives at home. He will treat anyone living under his roof with dignity and respect – including you and your children.

He will live out this verse from 1 Thessalonians 5:11

Therefore encourage one another and build each other up, just as in fact you are doing.

and this verse from 1 Thessalonians 5:19

Do not quench the Spirit.

He will encourage you and not stop the Holy Spirit’s work in your life.

His Temple

Does he take care of his body by eating right and exercising?

Does he smoke and/or drink?

Does he take care of your body? If he smokes and you have asthma, he is not taking care of you. If he drinks and drives with you as a passenger, he is not taking care of you.

Or do you not know that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit within you, whom you have from God? You are not your own, 20 for you were bought with a price. So glorify God in your body.

1 Corinthians 6:19
English Standard Version

Jesus paid a price on the cross so your fiance or boyfriend would not have to die a grizzly death. How is he repaying Jesus for what he did? How is he glorifying God with his body?

1st Corinthians 13

Sometime ago, I read a post about how 1st Corinthians 13 (The Love Chapter) is a good way to determine if a man is someone you should date and/or marry.

Here’s Paul’s version:

Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.

Love never fails. But where there are prophecies, they will cease; where there are tongues, they will be stilled; where there is knowledge, it will pass away. For we know in part and we prophesy in part, 10 but when completeness comes, what is in part disappears. 11 When I was a child, I talked like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I put the ways of childhood behind me. 12 For now we see only a reflection as in a mirror; then we shall see face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I am fully known.

13 And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love.

1st Corinthians 13
New International Version

Let’s rewrite this passage and insert the name of your fiance, “Bill.”

  • Bill is patient
  • Bill is kind
  • Bill does not envy
  • Bill does not boast
  • Bill is not proud 
  • Bill does not dishonor others
  • Bill is not self-seeking
  • Bill is not easily angered
  • Bill does not keep a record of wrongs
  • Bill does not delight in evil
  • Bill rejoices with the truth
  • Bill protects all things
  • Bill always trusts
  • Bill always hopes
  • Bill always perseveres

Can you say the above characteristics apply to your fiance?

They will not apply 100% of the time as no one is perfect. However they should apply 90 percent of the time.

And remember, Bill should ask these questions and insert YOUR name into his own list.

These character traits apply to you too my dear.

Related Reading: 3 Benefits to Dating a Widow

The Only Resource for “Discovering Love Online” (Review)

Bio: Michele Kearns is the founder and HUG© (Hope Unites Globally) Award-Winner of JoyReturns. She shares her widowhood adventures hoping to inspire widows to move through grief and rebuild their lives. A graduate of Kent State University with a Bachelor’s degree in communications, she’s currently using those skills as a virtual logistics contact center representative for a Fortune 100 company. She’s also managed call center teams, co-facilitated a grief support group, and helped small businesses with various writing assignments. Michele is a bookworm, and a lover of history, music, chocolate, red roses, and golden retrievers. She also does not think or pray like you normal people. Michele is also the amateur photographer behind the blog

Books, dating, Resources

The Only Resource for “Discovering Love Online” (review)

Preparing Yourself For The Adventure

So you’ve decided to take the plunge and enter the world of online dating but have heard horror stories from friends and family that would cause Stephen King to have nightmares. Plus you do not know where to begin as there are so many dating sites your head spins like a merry-go-round.

Discovering Love Online: Love May Be Closer Than You Think: (Find the Love of Your Life Through Online Dating) by [Miller, Chuck]

Then Discovering Love Online, Love May Be Closer Than You Think by Chuck Miller is the practical resource you need in preparing for an enjoyable, successful adventure. In addition to his online dating experience, which led to him find his current wife Deb, Chuck was a singles ministry director for a number of years. His book is not only based on experience but a lot of research as well.

Chuck takes the guesswork out of what to do and where to begin. He does this by assuming you know nothing so he covers the basics, including grooming, manners, first impressions, and where to go on dates among numerous other topics.

He has a Master of Divinity degree so his Christian faith is mentioned throughout the book. Miller explains how his beliefs apply to dating and why his conservative values will help you when it comes time to meet someone in person.

While the book is filled with advice about online dating, it is also filled with age-old adages that are still true.

Where Do I Begin?

You begin at the very beginning with the age-old adage:

“Know Thy Self.”


Because how can you know what to look for in a spouse if you do not know who you are, what you like and what your goals are in life. Part of this process may include personality assessments and even considering the advantages and disadvantages of staying single. There is nothing wrong with staying single as God designed everyone differently.

Part of the process of knowing yourself is determining your list of non-negotiables. These are items that are deal makers or breakers.

For example, potential non-negotiables could include: faith, whether someone is an animal lover, the political party they are affiliated with, are they a smoker or a drinker, and do they believe in tipping the pizza driver well.

This is just a partial list what could be non-negotiables. Your list of non-negotiable items will be different from anyone else’s since we are all unique individuals.

Paid vs Free

Another age-old adage that is still true today is:

You get what you pay for.

Chuck provides a brief summary and pros and cons, starting with Chemistry and ending with Zoosk, to help you determine which one is right for you. He does recommend choosing a paid site because people on those sites tend to be looking for long-term relationships.

Without passing judgment, the clientele on paid services tend to be more earnest in their efforts and more thorough and accurate in creating their profiles. I’ve experienced it first hand and so have many others seeking love online.

Chuck Miller
Discovering Love Online, Love May Be Closer Than You Think
pg 47

This is the person with whom you hope to spend the rest of your life.

Honesty Is The Best Policy

Once you’ve chosen a site, Chuck even tells you how to set up a winning profile. This includes what information to share and what not to share, photograph advice, answering questionnaires, and storytelling advice for your profile summary.

It is true today as it ever has been:

Honesty is the best policy.

There is no room for embellishment or flat out lying in your profile. It will come back to haunt you at some point in time. Be honest in who you are and what you do.

Also, he mentions that incomplete profiles are also not acceptable. Photo’s need to be there and be current, profile questions answered and basic information filled in.

Your dating profile is your online dating resume. You may wince and groan, but it is true. “Interviews” are granted based on the information contained in your profile. So if you do not want to end up in the shred pile, fill out your profile completely.

Not Just For Scouts

Chuck admits there are risks involved in meeting people you met online and encourages you to be extremely careful selecting people to meet offline.

However, he acknowledges these risks apply to people you are introduced to by friends, family or that you meet in the produce section or any other public place.

He also gives you tips on what to look for to determine a possible unsavory character whether they intend to take your money, cause physical or emotional harm.

So whether you choose online dating or meeting someone the old fashioned way –

Be Prepared.

Be prepared for anything. Have friends or family at the same coffee shop if you choose to meet there. You can never be too careful.

The Tip of the Iceberg

This is just a tiny bit of advice covered in Discovering Love Online. This book will help prepare you to find that special someone with whom you want to spend the rest of your life.

Chuck did a wonderful job combining his faith, age-old adages, and advice in his book. I highly recommend this book if you or anyone you know are considering online dating. If you have any questions, his information is listed below.

Doubting Thomas?

Still not sure if this book is for you? Then check out The Do’s and Don’t of Successful Online Dating –  FREE through Valentine’s Day. It is a 38-page Kindle booklet that will help jump-start your search, give you an idea of the author’s writing style and information that you will find in Discovering Love Online. $2.99 through Valentine’s Day (Kindle).

Additional Resources

Website: Discovering Love Online

Propeller Cap, LLC | Independent Publishing With A Unique Spin

Blog: Discovering Love Online

Chuck’s Amazon Author’s page

The Legal Stuff

Author’s Note: Chuck Miller and I met when he attended GriefShare after his first wife’s death. I’ve seen him go from mourning to joy and that joy includes finding his current wife Deb (an absolute sweetheart) via online dating.

Disclaimer: I purchased the Kindle version and was given a free autographed copy of the book in exchange for an honest review. All links are non-affiliate.


3 Benefits To Dating A Widow

Afraid of dating someone who suddenly became a widow and at a young age? Well here are 3 benefits to dating a widow.

“Precious and Few”

She knows just how quickly life can change. Therefore, the moments you spend together are precious.  This gives her a greater appreciation for life and the little things such as a walk together on a beach, cold winter evenings snuggling by the fireplace, or sitting under the stars on a warm summer evening.


A widow has a renewed passion and purpose for living.  This stems not only from recognizing life is precious but from figuring out who she is now and her plans for her life.

In order to figure out her passion, purpose and the impact they are going to have on her new life, she had to do a lot of self-analysis and reflection.  This could have involved fasting & praying, taking self-assessment tests, talking to family and friends or any combination of these and other options.

No matter how she figured out her passion and purpose, it was hard work and a lot of thought went into her decisions.

 “I Made It Through The Rain”

Dating a widow means dating someone with strength and determination to move forward with life.  Making the decision to move forward was hard but taking the step necessary was even harder.

It takes a lot to trudge through the storm grief causes day after day, after day, after day and yet do the things needed to make forward progress.  The grief storm winds keep blowing and blowing trying to stop a widow from moving forward.  The grief wants to beat down a widow so she gives up and stays stuck in grief.


“Then one day the sun appears

And we come through those lonely years”

I Made It Through The Rain 

Barry Manilow

Isn’t that the type of person with whom you want to share life, someone with the strength and determination to survive life’s storms?

Bonus Thought

If you are dating a widow, give thanks to God for her previous husband and their marriage.

Your relationship with her would not be what it is, if it were not for their life together.