Why I Never Felt Cut In Half

I got the idea for this post from Ferree Hardy at WidowsChristianPlace.com. Her blog is wonderful and the book “Postcards from the Widow’s Path” is a great study on the book of Ruth and how God never leaves widows. It is one of my top 5 favorite books and I do need to re-read it.

Earlier this week Ferree posted an article about meeting a woman who said it felt like she was cut in half when her husband passed. Ferree knew what she was talking about because she felt the same way.

However, I never felt that way.

The Feeling I Felt

Instead I was too focused on the grinding of my heart by death. It felt like my heart was a jawbreaker (a.k.a. Everlasting Gobstopper) and that death put my heart in a mortar and was using the pestle to grind my heart 24/7, like a pharmacist would do in mixing up a fresh batch of medicine.

The only catch is like a jawbreaker, my heart never got any smaller. It was a slow, constant, rhythmic grinding that caused an intense pain. No matter how much death ground my heart, it stayed  the same size.

I was aware of this grinding the moment I stared to wake up in the morning until the last second of consciousness before sleep took over my brain.

No Right Or Wrong Way

Not everyone will feel what I did and not will everyone feel cut in half.  I suppose there are widows out there who felt or are feeling something totally different from Ferree and me.

And that’s alright because each person and their grief are unique.