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“It’s a Heartache”

“It’s a heartache

Nothing but a heartache…”

Bonnie Tyler

That is exactly what grief causes – a heartache.   Joe was gone and I was missing him.  My heart was breaking 24/7 and I knew relief had to be found somewhere but where?  So I picked up my Bible figuring turning to God’s word was the best starting point.

Psalm 23

Unsure where to begin, I decided to try the most obvious place – Psalm 23.  Certainly I will find some comfort there. 

“The Lord is my shepherd, I shall not be in want.” (NIV) Psalm 23:1

Oh yeah, really?!  Well I am in want God!  I want a cure for my agony I want it NOW!

Psalm 23 did not comfort me.   After closing my Bible I tossed it aside thinking “Yeah right, what-EVER!”   And so my heartache continued with no relief in sight.

April 17th, 2008

That day the first little bit of joy returned and started to ease my heartache.

Why did I feel it that day?  The start of joy’s return was due to the devotion in Martha Whitmore Hickman’s book “Healing After Loss: Daily Meditations for Working Through Grief”.  Joe’s Aunt gave me the book at his wake.   She said it was not geared towards any one religion and I should wait a few weeks before reading it.

On April 17th, 2008, I  opened the envelope containing the book figuring “What the heck?  What have I got to lose?”

The Devotion

That day’s short devotion explained how loss seems unbearable even in spring.  New life is everywhere but yet death weighs heavy on our hearts, perhaps even more so because the daffodils (one of Joe’s favorites) and other flowers are popping up everywhere.  

It stated to believe, even a little bit, in spring because it is a reminder not only of new life here but of the new life experienced by a departed loved one. 

The Challenge

At the end was a challenge to think of each flower or bud on a tree like a conversation with a loved one.

A Revelation

Laying the book aside, I stepped outside and realized it was a sunny, warm spring day with lots of flowers blooming.  Just like the day described in the devotion.  It was easy imagining a conversation with Joe as blooming crocuses and daffodils filled my flower beds.

I gave thanks to God for the wonderful day and for the comfort and joy that slowly started easing my heartache.    

Cured?

By no means was my heartache “cured” just because I felt the return of a little bit of joy. 

But it was a start.

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