The Best Reasons For Helping Widowed Employees

Remember the best reasons for helping your employee who has been suddenly widowed at an age society considers “young” is:

  • “Therefore but for the grace of God go I.”  It could easily be you in her shoes at any given moment.
  • “So in everything, do to others what you would have them do to you, for this sums up the Law and the Prophets.”  Matthew 7:12 (NIV)
  • “You reap what you sow” or “What goes around comes around.”  Whichever saying you prefer, how you treat your employee will come back to you maybe in a day, a year or 30 years from now.  That is a fact of life.

So why would you not want to play a part in her recovery?

Coming Monday 5/23 – Thoughts On Death Of Other Family Members

Coming Saturday – Sacrifice & Become

Coming Sunday – Wildest Dreams

Drama Queens

Drama Queens

Definition – Someone so overcome with grief they spend their days at their desks wailing, claiming no one understands (which no one else does), and pounds her desk, manager’s desk, or conference room table.  Her behavior disrupts other employees.   She enjoys being the center of attention. 

No Room

I can empathize with anyone who has suddenly lost a spouse at an age society considers “young.” However let me make one thing perfectly clear –

there is no room in the workplace for drama queens.

Realize This!

Drama Queens need to understand that while people are sympathetic and are willing to help, there is still a business to run.  In order for them to grasp that concept strict limits need set.

What Drama Queens Need

They need to be on extended bereavement leave, and/or medical leave.  While on leave they need help from a trained bereavement counselor and visits to their doctor so their health can be monitored. Drama Queen or not, the last thing your company needs is the sudden death of a coworker. (been there, done that, not fun.)

Weekly Meetings

Even though she is on leave, have her come in for weekly meetings so you can discuss her progress.  Set guidelines so she knows what you expect from her while she is on leave.  Have her provide proof for doctor’s visits and each session with a trained professional bereavement counselor. 

After she completes extended bereavement and/or medical leave and you can see improvement in her behavior, then she can return to work.  She will have to work under a mutually agreeable plan that includes weekly performance reviews.

First Year Anniversary

If you have given her medical leave, extended bereavement leave, and provided a plan to get her performing at the level the job requires but she is still a drama queen at the end of the first year, then you say:

“I’m sorry, but we need you to perform at the level this job requires or we’ll have to let you go.”

Then put her on 90 day probation. Let her know what you expect from her during the 90 day period.  If there is improvement then renew the probationary period for another 90 days.  I would renew these probationary periods for up to a year.  

No Improvement

If at the end of the first 90 day probationary period there is no improvement, then giving her a 6 month severance package is appropriate.  Also hire an outside placement company to assist her with career counseling.

Above And Beyond

Yes it is a lot to put up with a drama queen. But you need to in case she decides to go wail and pound on an attorney’s desk after you give her a severance package.  You will need to prove that you went above and beyond the call of duty in helping the Drama Queen.

“Don’t Be Cruel”

Do not let her go during the first year of widowhood. 

If you do that, just sign your company over to her as there is not a judge or jury that will side with you, even if your employee is a drama queen. 

Letting someone go their first year of widowhood is cruel – period, end of story. 

Remember

  • No one grieves perfectly
  • Every person grieves differently
  • The nature of their relationship affects how she grieves (strained, head over heals in love)
  • The circumstances of the death affect her grief (murder, plane crash, hit & run etc…)
  • She was a good employee before her world got turned upside down, inside out and backwards in the blink of an eye.

 If you are confronted with the sudden death of a spouse, you might turn into a Drama Queen or King. 

You never know how you will react until you are in the same situation.

10 Plan Ideas

First Things First

There needs to be a meeting her first day back.  Those attending the meeting need to be her immediate supervisor and his/her supervisor and any member of upper management interested in her wellbeing.  The meeting’s purpose is to express support and a willingness to help her perform at the level you need. 

You may expect her to know what she needs but trust me the only thing she knows is her name and that she has a dead husband and now she is back to work with the expectation of performing as if nothing happened.

Remember

In the time it takes to blink her world was turned upside down, inside out and backwards at the same time.

Plan Ideas

  • Weekly Meetings- Hold weekly meetings to find out how she is feeling. Also discuss, set and review performance milestones designed to get her meeting job requirements.     
  • Job Buddy – Someone who knows her job and can provide support and assistance.
  • Feelings – Don’t force her to “stuff” her feelings.  Shoving feelings deep down inside will make her ill. It is not good for her mental or physical well-being.
  • Physical Health – Encourage her to see her doctor so she and her family know her health status.  Remember, I was told the chance of me becoming ill and dying before the second anniversary was great. 
  • Grief Counseling – Allow her time off to seek grief counseling either from a trained professional or a support group such as Griefshare.  
  • Holidays - The holidays are going to be especially tough the first year.  Her performance will probably suffer during these times so you may as well let her have time off for holidays and special family events.
  • Her Story - Let her share her story with co-workers so they have some understanding of what she had been through.  This can be done at a meeting if she feels up to it or through a Grief Letter she writes explaining:

The details of her husband’s death. (as much as she is willing to share)

Thanking everyone for their support.

Advising them what she needs to get through her grief journey.

Plan Ideas To Help Re-engage Her Brain

  • Special Projects - Let her have input on a special project going on in the office.  Nothing major like mergers, but something simple like:

         Member of the Potluck Committee.

Input on the color scheme for the new carpet, walls, or cubicles. 

Input on who to put where during the next round of “Musical Cubicles.”

You get the idea.  Something simple, different and gives her something “new” to focus on for a while, which can be refreshing. 

  • Exercise Group – Start an exercise group that walks up and down the stairs for morning and/or afternoon break.  If there are no stairs then walk around either the inside or outside of the building. 
  • Lunch Time Book Club – Again something different for the widow to focus on.  Keep the reading material on the lighter side.

I Know, I Know

I know this is a lot to ask of employers and I hear lots of grumbling as I write this post.  Just remember these suggestions are based on my experience.  You can implement these or come up with different ideas. 

Your Choices

You have two choices:

    • Work together in developing a plan so she can perform at the level you need.
    • Leave her flopping around on the dock like a fish out of water.  Maybe she is able to perform at the level needed without any help and maybe not.

 Which would you prefer if your life changed in the time it takes to blink?

  Coming tomorrow – Drama Queens

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